AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
