There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he just fucked me for my cheese.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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