he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
