Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
