Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I want her autograph on my taint
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
