i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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