i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize