My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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