You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
