You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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