I can text with my tongue
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
