just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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