I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
