Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
