I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
