So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
