I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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