The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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