Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
