just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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