so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
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I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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