Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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