I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
