My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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