then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
