i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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