I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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