if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
