the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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