btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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