Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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