i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
