Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The struggles of a small town man whore
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
