Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
