Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
