The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
