my mouth tastes like poor choices
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
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