After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
