I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
