R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
