Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
