Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
