The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
