you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
