i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
