at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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