so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
