I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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