I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
