...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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