What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
