mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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