I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
