the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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