Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
