u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
