How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
be right there i have to get my cape
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
