Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
