since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
