ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
there is puke in my bra ... again
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