Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
