Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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