she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
