whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
