I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
