i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
