What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
