she woke up with a sticky ear
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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