Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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