The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
