.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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