Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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