I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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