I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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