help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I won the penis lottery.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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