I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
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You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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