Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
