I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
