I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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